My Story
Retired Nurse, Retail
Mount Prospect, IL
4 years, 3 months since her MammoSite treatment.
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Excerpts from Judy's journals:
May 18, 2006
As I sit in the office of the medical oncologist, I am thinking this may be it. This may be the last doctor I have to see. My appointment is for 10:15am. The time is crawling by. Other patients are coming and going and I am still sitting. The longer I sit the more I wonder if maybe I will need chemotherapy. Finally at 11:00, I am called back to the exam room. Here again I sit for 15 minutes. I am sure by now my blood pressure is way up.
Here he comes! I have been very lucky so far with the doctors. They have all been wonderful and I am sitting here thinking please, please be another good one.
He introduces himself, apologizes for being behind schedule and gently shakes my hand. He tells me I am looking good and then gets right down to the facts. He asks me to tell him about my past health history and what led up to me being there. He then reviews my “cancer” history. He tells me how fortunate I am that it was caught early, the tumor was very small, easily removed with a lumpectomy and then goes over the different tests that were run and my eventually having the MammoSite radiation. Of course, I have heard this all before but every time I do hear it; it sinks in a little deeper and easier for me to really believe.
Then comes the big statement…”Yes, you probably could get some benefit from chemotherapy but I believe that the side effects far outweigh the benefits. Chemotherapy is my business and I do not believe you need it.” Yes! He said it. I do not need it. What I do need is follow-up with the surgeon and radiation oncologist, regular mammograms and consistent self-breast exams. He then checked my incision, said it looked great and asked if I had any questions. I said no, he shook my hand again and said I did not have to come back.
As I leave the office and go to my car, my thoughts are jumbled. I am so pleased that my “treatments” are done and my cancer is in check…at least as much as any cancer can be. How could this have all happened in just 12 weeks? To really understand it all I must start at the beginning.
March 1, 2006
I can’t believe that I have let six months pass by the due date for getting my annual mammogram. I have always been so good about getting them especially since I have had problems in the past. Oh well, I am getting it now. I am at Northwest Community Hospital Breast Center and as usual it is over quickly.
March 7, 2006
Oh Oh. I got a letter from the hospital saying my mammogram is abnormal. I need an ultrasound. Oh well, I have had this before also, probably nothing but I will get it done right away.
March 9, 2006
Here I am back at the breast center at NCH. The technician is very nice and once the ultrasound was done she told me that the radiologist would be in to talk to me…nothing new here. The doctor came in and sat down to talk. He is talking away but all I hear is “suspicious area that doesn’t look good.” I need a biopsy. I have never had to have a biopsy before. Why now? What makes this different? My mind is racing but I refuse to say the word. I will go home and think about it.
March 10, 2006
There is a phone message from my internist’s office giving me a referral to a surgeon for the biopsy. I check him out in my handy NCH doctor book. He looks ok but I know nothing about him. Oh well, I don’t have much choice. I called for an appointment.
March 14, 2006
One of my friends at work has a friend that is an oncology nurse. She checked out my doctor with her and she gave me the go ahead…he’s good. So off I go to the office. Fortunately he is in the medical building at the hospital which I am very familiar with. His office is on the same floor as my cardiologist. I arrive at the office and get right in. The first person I meet is the nurse practitioner. Perhaps it is my nervousness but I start talking right away and let her know I am a retired nurse. At this point I don’t know if I get the biopsy done today or later. Here he comes, I hope I like him. It is very important to me to have a good relationship with the doctor. If we don’t hit it off…but I won’t think about that now.
He introduces himself and shakes my hand. As I look at him I see someone who is old enough to have had some experience but young enough to be up on the latest techniques. The fact that he is young enough to be my son is ok and he is good-looking and very personable. That is good. After getting my history and reviewing the mammogram and ultrasound he tells me that I can have the biopsy today in the office and I say let’s go for it. He is good about telling me what he is doing and pointing things out on the ultrasound machine. I am having a hard time looking at the “tumor.” Once you see it, it makes it very hard to deny that it exists. He does tell me that it looks suspicious but that it is very small and very treatable. As I am getting ready to leave he tells me he will call me at work with the results on Friday.
March 17, 2006
I go into work at 1pm. I know he said it would be later in the day but I start looking for his call right away. I have gone over it all in my head many times and I think I am prepared for whatever he has to say but when the call comes I feel numb. As he suspected it was not good and I do need further treatment. I still can’t bring myself to say the word. What am I going to tell the kids and people at work? He tells me to come into the office on Monday and to bring any family member with me. Great, does he think I can’t take it? I go into Chris’ office (my boss) and ask to talk to her. I shut the door and we have a good talk. I force myself to say breast cancer and of course I start to cry. I am in there for quite a while and Chris is very understanding and willing to work with me with whatever I need. That makes me feel better. I call my friend Elaine and she says she will go into the office with me on Monday. She said I need another set of ears to hear what is being said in case I miss something. I finish out the day with a few tears here and there. My co-workers are great. I tell each one individually. It helps me to repeat the story to really start to believe it.
March 20, 2006
Well, I am glad the weekend is over. I did not sleep well. Couldn’t turn my brain off. Today is my daughter Julie’s birthday. Not a very nice present but I had to tell her what is going on so I called her in Atlanta. Also spoke to my son John. My friend Elaine came in and we went to the doctor’s office. The appointment was for 5:30. It took a while to get in but once in the exam room the doctor told me my options. It seems the best way to go is with a lumpectomy followed by radiation. He keeps assuring me that the tumor is small and easily treatable. I guess I really need to keep hearing that. After he talked to me in the exam room we went out into the waiting room and he went through the whole thing with Elaine. That impressed me that he took the time to go over the information again with my friend. The nurse practitioner was there also and she gave me a little bag with information on breast cancer and a little pillow. I really didn’t want it but I took it to be polite. I am still not ready for all this cancer information. I am not denying it; I just am not all that ready to be so accepting.
Anyway, the surgery is set up for next Friday afternoon. I will need a letter from my cardiologist approving me for surgery since I do have the atrial fibrillation problem. I will stop in his office as it is just down the hall. I will go in on Thursday for pre-admission testing. Since that is my old area it will be interesting to see what happens. The surgery will be in and out the same day. I will go in at 1pm to the breast center for injection of dye and a guide wire and then on to outpatient surgery. John will take me and pick me up. He will also stay at the house that first night. I will be off work for ten says and everything is all set up.
Logically, I know that I should not be comparing myself to my husband Jack as this is an entirely different situation but that doesn’t stop me from doing it. When Jack’s tumor was diagnosed it was large, a grade 5 and a glioblastoma. He only lived six months from diagnosis and had 7 weeks of radiation. It was awful and I keep seeing myself in that situation. Dumb!
March 23, 2006
I went in for my preadmission testing with the anesthesiologist. He was nice and did ask me some pertinent questions. Oh well…Elaine came over and we went to the movies and then out to dinner. Nice diversion.
March 24, 2006
Today is the day. I have some papers from work to drop off at the doctor’s office. John picked me up at about 12:30. We dropped off the paperwork and then went on to the Breast Center. I sent John home. There is no need for him to sit around all day. They can call him from day surgery when I am ready to go home.
At the Breast Center I got changed and the technician explained what would be going on. There was a nurse that was assigned to me also. She kept patting me on the back and saying “everything will be fine.” I wanted to say “shut up, it is not fine” but I didn’t. Every time I had to change position on the x-ray table she was right there trying to help. I finally told her not to touch me, just leave me alone. Here I go again. Could this possibly have to do with my apprehension???
The technician that injected me with the dye was very nice. He did explain what he was doing and that it would hurt. Talk about your understatement! I think that the dye injection was the worst part about the whole procedure including the surgery. He had so much to inject that he had to divide it into two injections. After the dye came the guide wire. Even that wasn’t too bad. All through this procedure, I had several pictures taken. Then I was taken to nuclear medicine for another set of pictures!
Finally I was taken to the day surgery area. Shortly after arriving, the doctor came by. There is something about a doctor in scrubs… He asked me how I was doing, reassured me and reviewed what was to be done. He told me he would be out of town the next week but to see him in 10 days.
I was still waiting for someone to do baseline vitals and an EKG. They finally hook me up to a blood pressure apparatus. Someone said it was about time to take me to surgery and finally then, someone came in and did the EKG. I was wheeled to the OR and the anesthesiologist started the IV. The next thing I remember was waking up to someone telling me to breathe deeply as my O2 readings were down. I remember asking if I had pressure boots on because I could feel something on my legs. Once I was awake, the time went quickly and before long John came in and they said I could go home. It was a little after 6pm. I was given another bag, this time from the Cancer Society. They wanted to know if I wanted someone from the CS to call me. I politely declined. I got the post-op instructions and prescription for pain and left.
I was quite thirsty when I got home so I had a Pepsi and went to bed. Scooter wanted to come back with me but John kept her out of the bedroom. The discharge nurse said I should change the dressing as needed. John stayed through dinner and then I told him to go home. I really was feeling quite good with minimal pain.
Week of March 26 – April 2, 2006
What a week. I am feeling surprisingly good. No real pain to speak of. I get occasional “electric shocks” darting through the left chest and breast area. I’ve been changing the dressing…only have minimal drainage. I am getting calls from friends at work and Julie calls a couple times a day and is talking to John. Elaine comes over frequently, bringing me lunch or taking me out to dinner and the movies. On Wednesday we went to Joliet to gamble. That was fun to get away although it was quite tiring. Thursday I went out to breakfast with Bonnie. I am also getting lots of cards. I hate to say it but getting sick sure does show you who your friends are.
I am sleeping fairly well. Not able to sleep in my favorite position but I am managing. I am looking forward to going back to work.
April 3, 2006
John went with me to my appointment with the surgeon today. He says everything went well and things look good, nodes negative, very small tumor and clean edges. The one bad thing was a negative test for taking tamoxifen. The general picture though is that I am a good candidate for MammoSite radiation. This is a new program in which I would get internal radiation twice a day for 5 days. He would insert a catheter in the area where the tumor was and the radiation would go in through that. I find it all a little mind boggling. He explained it all to John also. I need to see the radiation oncologist next Thursday for his opinion. I get to go back to work tomorrow!
April 6, 2006
I got another blow today. As I walked down the hall at NCH to the radiation department I remember looking up at the sign and seeing “Radiation Oncology.” It was like a kick in the head…I actually was going in there to talk to them about getting radiation for cancer. Damn! The tears started once again.
When I finally got into the office I first met with the oncology nurse. She did her best to put me at ease and even asked if she could give me a hug. I politely declined saying I was not one who hugged easily. Then the doctor came in. Once again I lucked out…another doctor that I immediately took to. I felt comfortable with him and he reiterated everything the surgeon had said. I was a good candidate for the MammoSite radiation. If I got the tube put in tomorrow I could start on Monday and be done by Friday! They gave me the schedule for the whole week. I go in at 7:30am and 1:30pm.
April 7, 2006
Bright and early at 8am I am in the surgeon’s office to get the catheter placed. As his nurse got me in position the doctor brought out the tube. He offered to show it to me but I declined to look. Normally I want to know and see everything but just then I wasn’t able to look at it. The image was showing on the ultrasound machine, I could barely look at that. After numbing the injection site he inserted the catheter. It stung but really not too bad. After the dressing was placed he told me to come back a week after the radiation. At that time he said something that scared me. He said we were getting toward the end and that I would not have to come in so often. I had a small panic attack at that time. I really wasn’t sure why I felt that way. This would become clear later.
April 10 – 14, 2006
This has been a very busy week. My first morning at radiation was an eye opener. After changing in to a gown I sat down in the waiting room. There were a couple of other women sitting there. They spoke to me and commented that I was new. They introduced themselves and before long we were talking like old friends. The camaraderie is apparent between people sharing a common problem. I then saw the technician who would be checking me each time I come in. We established a very nice relationship and I found myself looking forward to seeing him each visit. What he is doing is checking placement of the catheter then measuring and placing the tube in preparation for the radiation. From there on I went to the radiation room. It was explained that I would be alone but that the technicians could see and hear me if I had any problems. I was hooked up to the machine that delivered the radiation. Another technician came in and checked for free radiation. This I found out is done before and after each treatment. Then the doctor came and checked how I was doing. The radiation started and the treatment was over in about 12 minutes. I felt absolutely nothing. At this time I went out to see the nurse and she changed my dressing. I got dressed and was on my way. From start to finish it was about 1 and a half hours and then I came back and repeated it all over again in the afternoon. This went on for five days. Julie came in from Atlanta on Wednesday and on Thursday came with me in the afternoon. She was able to sit down and talk to the radiation oncologist. After that we went to the surgeon’s office and he took time out of a very busy afternoon to sit and talk with us. Julie was very impressed with both doctors and felt much better after the talks. Friday afternoon I got the tube removed. That went surprisingly well…no discomfort at all. I need to come back in four weeks to the doctor for a check up. Now that it is actually over I am having a few lingering questions as to whether five days is enough. As it came time to say goodbye to the nurse I went up to her and said "I think today is a hug day” and proceeded to give her a hug. I was totally surprised as how pleased this made her. She said I made her week!
April 20, 2006
This is my first appointment with the surgeon since the radiation. He checked out the incision and said everything looked good. Then he questioned how I was feeling. I said fine but…I shared my doubts with him and once again he went over everything and told me that I was fine. I also shared my thoughts on Jack. It seems like I have been doing a lot more thinking about him lately. I guess that is normal.
He wants me to see the medical oncologist. Although he does not feel that I need chemotherapy he said it was a good idea to get another opinion. When he told me I did not have to come back for two months that old panic feeling came back. I am becoming very attached to the doctor; I guess I think of him as my lifeline. As long as I can go in and talk to him and he can reassure me I will be ok. That is not real rational but what can I say. He did tell me I could come in and see him anytime I felt the need.
April 23, 2006
One way to get your mind off one subject is to get involved with something else. Of course it is better if the new thing is positive. I was doing a new hire training class at work and was in the process of taking five young women on a tour of the store when I tripped and fell, landing on my left knee. It hurt like the dickens and started swelling immediately. It was suggested that EMTs be called. I refused to be taken out of the store on a stretcher so I drove myself to the emergency room at NCH. I was seen right away and had x-rays taken. Fortunately nothing was broke but I did have a severe contusion. I was allowed to go back to work the next day as long as I didn’t do any standing. I saw the orthopedic doctor and he agreed with the initial diagnosis, severe contusion with heavy internal bleeding. In the matter of a few days my leg was purple from four inches above the knee down to my foot. I got a knee support from medical supply which helped with the discomfort a lot. Funny how it happened but I managed to put the breast cancer (yes I said it) on the back burner.
May 9, 2006
Four weeks later and I am in to see the radiation oncologist. It really felt good to see both he and the nurse. It was like seeing family. I even accepted and enjoyed a hug from the nurse. Once again I was told everything was good. I voiced my concern about only having had 5 days of radiation. He said he understood but for me to realize that this is a new procedure, for very specific tumors and that it was internal which did increase the effectiveness and reduce the side effects. One would think that as many times I have heard this that I would begin to believe it. I think I finally am! I did mention that I was going to see the medical oncologist and he agreed that this was the correct thing to do. I see him again in 6 months! I did not panic quite as much this time.
This brings me up to the present where this story started. I can hardly believe that I have completed all my therapy and other than follow-ups with the surgeon, which I can’t give up just yet, I am done. I will be having a mammogram this summer, again in about six months and then I believe I will be on a regular schedule which I will definitely be keeping. One thing for sure, I will never be the same person I was before this all happened. I can now say that I had breast cancer without choking up. I have become an example of why it is imperative for women to get their yearly exam, no matter what their age. I have stressed this with my daughter and with my friends.
I have also decided that I am going to check out the support groups at NCH. The oncology nurse gave me all the schedules. I remember how much the grief support group helped me when Jack died. I can share my feelings and listen to others. Who knows? I may find out that I am not the only one to feel as I do. I will do what I can. If I can make a difference in myself or someone else, I will try. I will be a survivor!
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This profile is solely the words of the person who received MammoSite Targeted Radiation Therapy to treat breast cancer. Note that this profile is specific to this particular person, and experiences will vary.
